Sink or Swim

I haven’t written much lately. I am exhausted and so so tired.  I stay up late worrying about how I will get everything done every day.  To say that I’m stressed would be an extreme understatement; I feel like I am being pulled in many directions without any clear instruction.  I am doing my best to keep my head above water and tread lightly, but often I have to remind myself to take a deep breath and calm down.

A dream I had the other night summed up my stress quite well.  In the dream, I was swimming in a deep pool with Mack and Vivian. The three of us ducked under the water for fun, but Mack left my grip and drifted away. Vivian started floating in the opposite direction. The water became murky and I lost sight of Mack, so I tried to get Vivian to the surface so I could swim down to rescue Mack.  But, as I swam up with Vivian the surface kept rising higher and higher. Vivian was desperate for air and Mack was no where in sight. I ran out of breath…

…and then I woke up.

Last night at swimming lessons Mack bravely declared that he wanted to swim in the deep end with the big kids (and Evie). He wanted nothing to do with the shallow water or the little kids.  Fortunately, the patient swim instructor obliged, and Mack dove in to 10 feet of blue water.  He struggled a bit. He was the slowest swimmer in the group. Every few minutes he would look to me for some words of encouragement. I’d give him a thumbs up and a “Go Mack!” and a big smile.  He was doing it! My heart swelled.

My boy.

When I feel overwhelmed, I need to remind myself that these days of floating are fleeting. The little people I love so dearly are learning how to navigate life’s waves, and someday they’ll be swimming through life without me as their constant life guard.  I have to dive in and enjoy the ride every now and then, because too soon this time will be a memory.

How lucky am I to be trusted with the task of introducing them to this beautiful blue planet!

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1 Comment for this entry

  1. Emily says:

    You’re doing awesome Maureen! This post totally reminded me of the comedy bit Jim Gaffigan does about what it’s like having your 4th child…”imagine you are drowning…and then someone throws you a baby”. Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure the treading water gets easier. Either that or you become a stronger swimmer. 🙂

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