One of my biggest sources of stress right now stems from my biggest sources of joy: Evie and Mack.  In the past few months they have decided that playing against each other is better (or more fun?) than playing together.  It seems like one of them is always yelling or crying in response to something the other has done. Because we live in a downtown Chicago apartment, I am worried about disrupting the neighbors, not to mention the fact that I have no where to hide and drown out the whining…

After a bit of observation, it looks like Mack is the primary instigator, but he just wants to play with Evie.  Mack is in the throes of his terrible two’s, and Evie is starting to embrace a little more independence and maturity; they are in totally opposing phases of life.  I am a constant referee in their neverending game of he said-she said/he did-she did/he hit-she-hit.

I’ve been experimenting with different ways to minimize the rivalry.  Here are some of the coping and management techniques I’ve employed with some surprising success:

1. Play music.  The Jack Johnson station on Pandora seems to work wonders.  The laid-back tunes and cheerful beats seem to keep them focused on the toys at hand.  And, sometimes classical music is all it takes for the whole house to enjoy a relaxing deep breath.

2. Sit on the floor and play with them.  This can be hard to do when dinner prep is impending or the house is desperate for a scrub, but as much as I can I engage and interact with the kids.  As long as I am in the middle of them, there is no fighting and we usually all end up playing peacefully together.

3. Respect their differences.  Evie is nearly two years older than Mack, so she is interested in different toys and games than he is.  She is thrilled to play learning games on our Kindle, while he likes hand-held toys he can easily destruct.  I can’t reasonably expect them to find fun in the same things anymore, so its important that I direct them towards separate activities that will keep them happy and occupied.

4. Don’t be afraid to discipline.  When Mack smacks Evie on the head, I need to immediately stop whatever I’m doing to set him straight.  For our family, that means a time out (away from the toys) on the stairs.  Neither kid is ever thrilled with the dreaded stairs, but it gives them a moment to forget about whatever ticked them off in the first place!

5. Try to keep a sense of humor.  This point is one I need to work on the most.  I appreciate quiet and peace, and I generally don’t like confrontation of any sort.  I need to remind myself that “its just a phase” that will someday pass.  Not to mention the fact that the lessons they need to learn – conflict negotiation and patience – are two virtues most adults properly lack!