I’ve been having a hard time falling asleep lately. Later this month, Vivian and Mack will celebrate birthdays which means that another year has flown by. Life is going too fast. I could live to 150 and still not check off everything on my to-do list.  I want to stop time and live without distractions or frustrations.  Just for a little while, at least.

Chris took Evie to swim lessons tonight, so it was just me with the two little ones at bedtime.  I put Vivian down first, and after a bit of fussing she fell fast asleep. Because all three kids sleep in the same room, I brought Mack into the adjacent toy room for some quiet time.  He curled up in my lap and I whispered in his ear about how important he is to our family.  How special he is to me.  How grateful we are to God for giving us our boy.

With the exception of the occasional El train heading into the Loop or plane floating towards O’Hare, my moment with Mack was totally silent.  I gazed out the windows to see tall apartment buildings speckled against the dark sky over Lake Michigan. Snow drifts on the roof deck.  Smoke and steam rising from the rooftops. I brushed Mackie’s hair with my finger tips and kissed the scar on his forehead.  Suddenly my rambunctious almost 3 year old was fast asleep in my arms.

He’s a big boy now, but he’ll always be my baby.

In that darkened room, surrounded by toys, life stopped. Just long enough for me to notice.